I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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