I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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