Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize