wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
