VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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