She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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