She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
