i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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