I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
