"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
