just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
