Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
