IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize