What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize