I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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