I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
