***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this beer tastes like vomit already
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
