I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
