Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
