i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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