I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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