we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
