She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize