dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
