what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
