I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
