he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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