I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
