the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
