just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Randomize
