Moan for me like Helen Keller
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize