Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
