im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
