Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
