No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize