I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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