i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
