so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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