If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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