this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
