If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
