My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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