We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
