When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
