It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize