i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize