if you like me you must not know who I am
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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