I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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