I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
