I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
