i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
