puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
