I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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