Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
