I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
