so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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