I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
