I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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