saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
