He passed out mid-signature
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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