Moan for me like Helen Keller
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
