The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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