Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
