My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dicks are not precious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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