Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
