I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
