Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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