There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
